How to Learn How to Hope

We often think of hope as an emotion, something like sadness or disappointment or joy that comes and goes, ebbs and flows, with our lived experiences. This warm sense of possibility and optimism can kind of feel like an emotion because we often experience it in sporadic intervals rather than having it embedded in our cognitive processes as a useful coping tool.

But did you know that hope is actually a learned skill? While it does have affective (a.k.a. emotional) elements, too, it is largely motivated by cognition.

Grief, Self-Compassion, Support Systems, TraumaNici Richardson-McFarlandMarch 4, 2022grief, hope, coping skills

Your Grief is Not a Burden

Grief feelings aren’t always graceful and poised. They can get messy and overbearing and complicated, and yes— expressing those feelings might make you feel bothersome, annoying or even selfish. But you aren’t. While it is possible to ruminate or get stuck in your grief, you are embarking on a natural process that seeks to honor the memory of a significant loss, and you can do so by engaging in healthy expressions of grief.

The Way We Speak About Our Emotions and Experiences

Our emotional processes aren’t quite as simple as a definitive declaration of “I am happy” or “I am sad” immediately following an event. We can’t label our emotions in a heartbeat, no matter how we try.

And yet, we expect ourselves to cordon off our emotions as quickly as possible, and by doing so, move through life with only half of the information. We make assessments about our thoughts and behaviors without first knowing the backstory.

This is how we become disconnected from ourselves. This is how we stray from self-compassion, viewing our emotions with judgment and shame. This is how we wander from empathy for our fellow human. This is a fraction of how we have found ourselves unable to cope with our surroundings during the pandemic— because we don’t always have the words to describe it.

So much of our emotional experience is limited by two things: the guideposts of language and the stigmatized, societal pressure to “just get over it.” I’d like to use this week’s online space to break this down a little more.

How to 'Hold Space' + What It Actually Means

What does it mean to ‘hold space’ for yourself and for others?

Those of us who work in the mental health profession tend to have our own language of sorts, which thankfully, is becoming more “mainstream” as— slowly but surely— the wellness community grows.

Even still, as I was writing some of my social media content this last week, I found myself caught on two words: “hold space.” How often I use it but how little I truly reflect on the power within these two words!

COVID-19's Effect on Mental Health (+ 3 Things You Can Do To Heal)

Ever since the pandemic hit back in March 2020, we’ve resorted to using the word ‘unprecedented’ to describe just about everything — unprecedented times, unprecedented emotional experiences, unprecedented grief. This word has become a failsafe in the absence of any other remotely sensical language to describe this terrible period of time that we’ve been caught in for going on two years.

But I don’t think we’ve truly stopped to recognize just how traumatizing an effect COVID has had on us— both collectively and individually— and our respective worldviews. We haven’t examined how hard a pandemic has been and continues to be on our mental health.

We expect ourselves to carry on as usual, to put on a brave face, to deny ourselves our own internal experiences because our external experience has become significantly more pressing. We only have so much energy to spare, so we’ve turned it towards what feels most important, denying ourselves in the process.

A Letter to the New Year

It is entirely logical that we would hold tight to the idea of a new calendar year marking new beginnings, new resolutions, and at times, even a whole new sense of self. (“New year, new me,” anyone?) We change our habits, we update our wardrobes, we sign up for a gym membership, we reassess our respective career trajectories.

We see an opportunity to regain some semblance of control, and we seize it… myself included!

But what the novelty surrounding the New Year doesn’t account for is the reality of the human condition.

Grief, Self-CompassionNici Richardson-McFarlandDecember 31, 2021grief, new year, healing

The Effects of Grief on the Body

It’s no secret that grief has a propensity for ravaging the mind and spirit. It takes a significant toll on the mental state of the bereaved as they seek to fill a hole that we know can never be filled in the same size and shape of the person lost.

But did you know that grief is actually a full-body experience? One that has physical effects, as well as mental and emotional?

Coming to understand the physical effects of grief helps us get a better picture of our own or a loved one’s grief experience. When we take the bird’s eye view of grief, we’re able to award ourselves and others the compassion necessary to be on the grief journey free of shame.

The Difference Between Self-Care and Self-Compassion (and Why We Need One More Than the Other)

Self-compassion is the quality that allows us to remember that we are only human. We aren’t superheroes or robots; we are fluid, changing beings who ebb, flow, and feel. Our experiences cannot be defined or limited, and neither can we. Because we tend to be our worst critics, self-compassion is one of the most valuable tools we can possess.

Self-CompassionNici Richardson-McFarlandNovember 26, 2021self-care, self-compassion

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